I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
