i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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