successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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