I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
