roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Acid is not a monday night drug
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
