I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
