drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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