why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
