I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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