so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Dicks are not precious.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
