So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
