The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
