honey bunches of taint.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Everything about him screamed your future.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
