recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
