I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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