she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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