hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
