No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
