gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
