I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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