I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
