He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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