i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
