If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
