No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
