this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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