We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
