All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
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Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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