pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
