I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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