Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Randomize
