I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
