Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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