well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
