I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
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you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
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Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.