Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
