I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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