Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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