I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Randomize
