Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
