I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
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