i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
