i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
