Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize