I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I supernannyed him into submission
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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