I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
