PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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