No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Randomize
