My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
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