I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
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And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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