I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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