you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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