were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
