Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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