Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
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she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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