Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
