Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
