I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
This baby is an asshole
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
