You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
