The maid of honor just puked.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Redeem this text for a blowjob
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
