I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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