i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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