pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
