no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
should my penis look like a turkey
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Randomize
