If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
