I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
