Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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