Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
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