Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
