I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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