I cannot find my penis.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
