I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
