How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
