how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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