i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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