She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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