umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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