bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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