I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Never joke about your clitoris.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
