dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Two words: nipple clamps
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