you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
