I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
